‘It is always a matter of love’

On February 1, Catholic men from around the Diocese of Boise will gather at Holy Apostles Catholic Church in Meridian for the annual Idaho Catholic Men’s Conference. It is an opportunity for men of our diocese to gather in person at the conference or at watch parties to explore more fully what it means to be a Catholic man in today’s world.

One spiritual fruit of last year’s conference was the opportunity to help form a small men’s group at the Diocese of Boise. Three of my fellow male co-workers and I have met every other Tuesday for a year to grow in our faith journey. In our conversations, we often discuss the key roles we play as husbands and fathers. It is great to have this small brotherhood to help me grow in my identity as a man. One of the dynamics that a small group affords is the ability to share the struggles of living out the Catholic faith in the context of one’s own vocation in the realities of marriage and family life.

This year, I propose that part of a deeper understanding of what it means to be a man is to ponder the dignity and vocation of a woman. If I understand better who a woman is, more light will be shed on how I can complement, support and dignify the women in my life—starting with my wife, daughters, female family members, friends and co-workers.

I draw inspiration from Pope St. John Paul II, who sheds light on the brokenness of male and female relationships in his apostolic letter, On the Dignity and Vocation of Women. In paragraph 10, St. John Paul II writes:

“The biblical description in the Book of Genesis outlines the truth about the consequences of man’s sin, as shown by the disturbance of that original relationship between man and woman, which corresponds to their individual dignity as persons. A human being, whether male or female, is a person and, therefore, the only creature on earth that God willed for its own sake; at the same time, this unique and unrepeatable creature cannot fully find himself except through a sincere gift of self. Here begins the relationship of communion in which the unity of the two and the personal dignity of both man and woman find expression.”

Healing the disturbance (some define it as domination) within the communion between men and women is absolutely crucial. Current-day identity confusion about the proper balance of roles is a significant source of disunity. Pope St. John Paul is keenly aware of the rupture: “This domination indicates the disturbance and loss of the stability of that fundamental equality which the man and the woman possess in the unity of the two.”

Philosopher Dr. John Cuddeback reflects on the authentic meaning of communion between men and women, and particularly what it means to be a husband. In a blog post titled “Husbandry and Rethinking a Man’s Bond with his Wife,” Cuddeback writes, “When a man marries, the primary connection in his life should be to his wife. But this connection is part of a web of connections centered in a home they make together. Indeed, because a man binds himself to his wife, he also binds himself to their common home, their shared place in the world. If we unhinge the man from the broader web of connection, then we threaten the original, root connection.”

Cuddeback notes that writer “Wendell Berry offers this characterization of husbandry: ‘It is the art of keeping tied all the strands in the living network that sustains us.’ This might seem abstract and a bit wide of the mark; rather, it goes to the heart of rediscovering and healing masculinity, or more to the point—to healing men, marriage, and the home.”

Cuddeback beautifully states, “A husband, in the fullest sense, is a man who has fallen in love with a woman and then discovers that his love for her calls him to that vast enterprise, an enterprise calling for amazing, concrete applications. Imagine a world in which the concrete arts of life are driven by married love! It is always a matter of love, and love brings things together. A married man discovers that his first love does not narrow his life. Rather, by a deep magic, the maturation of that love expands his heart, his vision, and the work of his hands to encompass more than he could have imagined.”

I agree wholeheartedly with Cuddeback’s observation that men need to be about the “concrete arts of life” focused on love and all this calling entails. I pray that men attending the Idaho Catholic Men’s Conference will fall more deeply into love with their vocation as brother, son, husband and father as they ponder the authentic meaning of their human relationships.