Mother, daughter share joys and challenges of living together

Mary, left, and Natalie Edl sharing life together in Boise. (Courtesy Photo/Mary Hersley-Kaineg)

By Mary Hersley-Kaineg

For the ICR

“You have to make a place where you are….as you are,” said 95-year-old Mary Edl of Risen Christ parish.

Mary recently moved to Boise from her family home in Payette to live with her daughter, Natalie Edl. After 50 years in the same house, Mary found the transition challenging.

“It wasn’t even a real decision,” said Natalie. “Mom was no longer able to live alone, and it just seemed natural for me to say, ‘She can live with me.’”

Mary was born in Wisc. and grew up on a farm near Madison. No high school was available to her, so her parents arranged for her to board with a family in Dodgeville, Wisconsin. Upon high school graduation, Mary entered nursing school in Milwaukee. She was offered a position at a Milwaukee hospital after completing her training. “But I had been away from home a very long time, so I decided to move back where I could be close to my family,” she explained.

Once home, Mary began her lifelong nursing career when she accepted a position at the local hospital in Dodgeville. There, she met Joe Edl, one of the local farmhands. Joe was active in sports and especially loved baseball. He was a pitcher for the local summer baseball program and occasionally served as a catcher. After their marriage, Mary continued her nursing profession, and Joe continued his farmwork.    

By the time three of their children were born, Joe realized he did not want to spend the rest of his life farming. By now, Joe was a talented mechanic, so in 1952, the family moved to Wyoming, where Joe began working on an oil rig and Mary continued her nursing profession. While in Wyoming, six more children were added to the family.

In 1966, the family moved to a small farm in Payette, Idaho, where Mary lived for the next 50 years.

Natalie, third of the nine Edl children, stayed in Wyoming and graduated from the University of Wyoming, majoring in geology. She soon found a position with Morrison-Knudson (MK) in Boise. After three years with MK, Natalie accepted a new position with the Idaho Transportation Department where she remained until she was eligible for retirement.

During her time in Boise, Natalie has been active in her church. She was part of the Risen Christ Catholic Church building committee, working closely with Monsignor Joe DeSilva. Natalie is a gifted seamstress and has formed a sewing group that meets regularly at Risen Christ Church.

The group makes “fidget” mats and other items for patients and residents of a local care facility. After her retirement, Natalie bought a house “with a huge backyard because I love to garden,” she said. “My dream of retirement was to have a lot of time for myself, to do all the ‘retirement’ things.”

“When mom had her second stroke, it became obvious she could no longer be alone,” Natalie continued.

“While my brother and sister lived very near to Mom, in houses on the same property, they had jobs to go to every day. While the family was discerning the best course of action, it occurred to me that the right thing to do was to invite Mom to come live with me,” said Natalie. “It wasn’t a real [difficult] decision. Mom ‘came home’ to Boise.”

“I did not move well,” added Mary. “They moved a distraught, stressed-out lady, and I had to accept that there was no other option.”

“It wasn’t difficult,” Natalie said, “though, of course, my priorities had to be shifted, some of my activities are now limited, and I’ve lost some of my autonomy.”

“It’s okay,” laughed Mary. “There’s no fussing, and she (Natalie) accepts me as I am,” Mary said. “She has been very accepting of my tears. I have cried because I miss my old home. I miss my friends of many years, and I really miss my church family at Corpus Christi in Payette.”

But we do have a lot of fun,” Natalie added. “I cherish this time I have with Mom. We laugh a lot, we pray a lot, and we do things together. We make applesauce, and we enjoy ‘near new’ shopping.”

“In the end, this is the natural evolution of life events, and we are doing God’s will,” Natalie concluded.