‘When our Lord arrived upon the altar, I began to sob’

Vandal Catholic OCIA candidate shares her experience of SEEK25

Hayden and Grace Cassinelli enjoy a sunset on the Palouse. (Courtesy photo/gracecassinelliphotography.com)

By Grace Cassinelli

For the ICR

If I could describe SEEK in one word, I would use the word ‘transformative.’ Jesus always seeks to transform us, and He will do so if we allow Him to.

My name is Grace Cassinelli. I’m a young, married woman currently in OCIA, set to become Catholic alongside my husband, Hayden, come Easter.

Beginning my conversion did not come easy to me. Hayden and I attended our first Mass in October of 2023, just about a month before we were set to be married. I found myself there only because my husband made a deep dive into Church history and continued finding himself more and more drawn to the Catholic faith. I felt utterly lost after leaving that chapel. I had no idea why Catholics did church the way they did. I thought to myself, “What’s with the kneeling? What are they doing with their hands? Why do they move so much?”

THE BACKSTORY

Hayden and I come from an Evangelical Protestant background. Before we decided we wanted to become Catholic, we were attending a non-denominational church. I had no idea what was going on at Mass. Not only did I not understand what was going on, but I also disliked it. Why? I didn’t have a good reason. The reason was, “I’m uncomfortable.

This is not what I am used to.” From that point forward, I had my mind about the Catholic Church made up; She was the enemy. Of course, She was the enemy! She was taking my soon-to-be husband away from me; at least, that’s what I thought. I was sure I’d never step foot in a Catholic Church again.

Still, my husband and I were married in November 2023 in a Baptist church, and the ‘Catholic issue’ was pushed under the rug.

Underneath the surface, I felt I had just signed myself up for a marriage destined to fail. Those feelings were not invalid ones; our marriage went through many struggles.

Hayden was so interested in the Catholic Church. I remember trying to reconcile on so many accounts; we would do Bible studies, pray and hope the Lord would bring us to mutual understanding. I wanted Hayden to stay a Protestant, yet he kept being more and more drawn into the Catholic faith. There were times when we’d have a hard conversation, and I would say, “Well, fine! I’ll just convert then!” I will never forget his response. He asked me not to convert unless I did it for God, not for him.

With God’s grace and some time, I realized I had put up many walls. I knew I needed to examine my heart. My husband was willing to go to church with me, which I preferred, but I was unwilling to go with him. If my husband could extend such grace to me, why was I not extending that same grace to him?

After this conviction hit me, I knew something needed to change. I came to Hayden and told him that I would go to Mass with him, and we decided upon a new Sunday routine: we would go to the church of my choice in the morning and Mass in the evening—every Sunday.

I attended Mass for the first time with an open heart and mind in August 2024. I was nervous—profusely sweating, in fact. I kept thinking Catholics were perfect human beings, and I was a broken one who had no idea what she was doing at Mass.

Regardless, I persisted, and Jesus did something incredibly profound in my heart.

Eventually, I knew the Catholic Church was home, and I didn’t want anything else. There is no logical explanation for this. I surely didn’t suddenly understand everything about the Catholic faith, but something in me knew I had found exactly where I was supposed to be.

54 students from St. Augustine’s Catholic Student Center in Moscow gave up a week of Christmas break to spend time at SEEK25. (Courtesy photo/gracecassinelliphotography.com)

SEEK25

Fast forward to January 2025. It was time to go to SEEK. The FOCUS missionaries at St. Augustine’s Catholic Student Center on the University of Idaho campus were rooting for me and wanted me to go. Without their incredible and generous support, I wouldn’t have found myself at SEEK.

At this point, I was more versed in the Catholic faith through regular church attendance and being in OCIA. I was ready to embrace what SEEK had to offer, knowing that I would get what I put into the conference out of it.

My husband and I, and 52 other students from St. Augustine’s decided to give up a week of our Christmas break to spend time with our Lord in fellowship, listening to speakers with hearts for God. Our time of fellowship began on the bus ride to Salt Lake City and did not end until everyone had gone home. One of the things we did together on the ride to SEEK was pray the Rosary. It was so impactful to hear so many young Catholics joining in prayer together. I remember feeling such peace and contentment after praying the Rosary among many of my friends.

SEEK had much to offer. Seeing 17,000 young Catholics embracing the faith, going to Mass, singing hymns together, and being on fire for Jesus was incredibly inspiring. I had never experienced Mass on such a large scale before; I was shocked by the sheer number of people there for one purpose: to glorify Jesus.

SEEK showed me just how full of life the Catholic faith is. I was amazed to see so many young people not just walking towards Jesus, but running towards Him.

On the third night of SEEK, there was a special time for Adoration. This was by far the most impactful thing I experienced at SEEK. As a woman with a Protestant background, initially, I had no concept of what the Eucharist was to Catholics. I had previously believed it was merely a symbol of Christ’s Body and Blood. During OCIA, I learned much more and had already come to believe in Christ’s real presence in the Eucharist. But before SEEK, I had only attended Adoration of the Blessed Sacrament once before, for half an hour.

For Grace Cassinelli, Adoration of the Blessed Sacrament was the highlight of SEEK25. A priest processes with the Holy Eucharist on Jan. 3 at the conference in Salt Lake City. (Courtesy photo/FOCUS)

ADORATION

On that third night of SEEK, a very large procession of priests came walking into the conference center, elevating our Lord in a beautiful monstrance. I was in awe of the procession and was quick to fall to my knees. When our Lord arrived upon the altar, I began to sob.

I could feel my spirit being transformed, and the Sacrament of Reconciliation arose in my heart. As I am not yet officially Catholic, I have never been to Confession.

Confession was one of the biggest obstacles when it came to my willingness to consider the Catholic Church. The thought of going to a priest and telling him my shortcomings felt incredibly intimidating, and I chose to cope with that by ignoring how I felt.

However, when you are in the presence of Jesus, you can’t ignore how you feel, especially how you feel about your sin. You can’t hide anything. The weight of my sin came down heavily upon me during Adoration, and all I wanted to do was sprint to the confessional. Something that used to feel so terrifying suddenly sounded like an exceptional way to receive God’s grace and be healed and cleansed.

Adoration is an excellent preparation for entering the Catholic Church. It heals and softens our hearts.

I pray that you would allow the Eucharist to transform you and never let Him stop transforming you. Spend time with Jesus. Let him know you love Him, just as you would let your spouse, children, brothers or sisters know you love them. Spending time with Him is the best way to do this. He will never fail you when you come to worship Him.

Sanctification happens when we are in the presence of our Lord.

God is always creating and sustaining us. We just have to let Him in.